I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I wish I only lived at night.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize