So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
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