I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
