Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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