Having a random hookup so left but love u
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
