True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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