We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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