So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
