Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
