If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
