Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
