I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
