I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
