wrigley field is MILF paradise
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
