the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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