We won't sleep together?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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