He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Randomize
