I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
