Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My pussy is not your playground.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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