I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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