xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize