Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
