she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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