i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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