dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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