I cut my penus on the lid.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
