As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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