suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
my liver is dry heaving
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
