Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
