First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Found your dick twin last night
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
