A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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