this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
