i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
