I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
