I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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