I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
