I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
