Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
