I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
