alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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