i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
