are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
