There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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