just come out here and I will go home with you...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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