My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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