Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
