I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
