It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
