You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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