We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You are the jesus of drinking
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
