i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
