I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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