I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Randomize
