Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
