I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
