Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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