apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
