I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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