**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
