I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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