she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
