He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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