I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
