ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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