Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
